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Infertile. A Self-Portrait, 35mm film, 2019



This feels very vulnerable to share, so I’ll let the art do most of the talking.


The story behind my self-portrait?


Well, as many of you know I lost my period twice in my life, the 2nd time for almost 3 years. I also had ovarian cysts (which I’ve now healed). During those 3 years I went on an intense Womb healing journey in Latin America living with Shamans & learning the Mayan lineages of Womb wisdom.


It was non stop shadow work & plant medicine work. It was exhausting at times, but I never gave up.


I longed to be Wombyn again. My Womb longed to bleed again. I felt like a huge part of me was missing.


I started to make self-portraits about my longing to bleed. I longed to baptise myself in the vast ocean of being cyclical again.


I grieved my blood so deeply. Some days I was inconsolable. The hard truth was that I wanted to have a family & I was willing to do almost anything to heal myself.


I made this series of self-portraits whilst on a retreat with Nana Marina, a Tzutijil Mayan Elder.


They encapsulate my longing to bleed again so beautifully. Up until now, they felt too vulnerable & raw to share.


I may begin to slowly share them with you. I think my healing & integration process is complete now (I got my bleed back in Jan 2020).


In retrospect, I see that I had to go on that epic, wild, intense, initiatory Warrioress journey so that I could gather together an abundance of ancient healing tools. So that I could eventually guide others to heal their own Womb, or get their blood back or realign with their menstrual cycle once again.


Back then, I was so alone in it all. I was suffering in my own victimhood & nobody had answers for me except: “Just put on some weight!” Or “You’ll be fine!” Or “Just go on the pill!”.


I hope you never feel as alone as I did. I sincerely created my MCE online course & this instagram community for that exact reason~to support you on your own healing journey.


& yes, no matter what they’ve told you, you can & you WILL get your Moon back. I’m so grateful for the Shamans who kept repeating that to me, & whom each guided me with such humble, powerful & ancient wisdom.🙏🏽🌍❤️


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