When I first discovered about sacred sex & cosmic orgasms through Belzie & Eddie, I asked them: “But how can I have THAT?!!”
Belzie @being.belz smiled at me & whipped out a lil crystal shaped egg, and said: "This!"😁
My brows creased..
“You use this 🥚 inside your vagina, it heals & re-sensitises your orgasm zones and it also strengthens your pelvic floor!” .These words made literally NO sense to me, but I remained curious. I didn’t even know what a pelvic floor was back then. I also secretly thought it sounded really bizzare.
Alas, a tiny, tiny seed was planted.
A while later, I bought my 1st egg from @yonilicious. It remained on my altar and my window sills whilst I travelled for 6 months. I was absolutely TERRIFIED of it, I had about 200%+ resistance to it. I just looked at it & thought: “Meh, maybe one day!”
I didn’t know at that stage, that it was even POSSIBLE to have an empowered relationship with my v:gina. Me & her were not exactly pals.
I reflect now, that it was a total rejection of my feminine body…I carried SO much shame..the type of sxual shame that seeps into your bones.
It’s a difficult terrain to navigate, if there is no one holding your hand & supporting you into vulva self-empowerment, right? Impossible, maybe.
I didn’t finally put my egg in until the night after a San Pedro Ceremony in Ecuador. Back in my room, still absolutely tripping in the medicine - I heard this inner roar: “THIS IS IT!” What a night to choose, eh?
I put it in with slowness, with softness, with CONSENT & so much love.
I had never entered anything into my Yoni with full consent before…
In my psychedellic visions, my Yoni was literally crying with grief. I saw rain droplets fall all around me like I was looking through a 360 window on a rainy day. My Yoni & I, cried & cried & cried.
We cried for our entire maternal lineage.
It was the grief stricken sensation of “Where have you BEEN?!”. A big splash of fuck you & a hint of THANK THE GODDESS you’re here!!
After years of shame, disconnection, sxual trauma & loss of my menstruation ~ putting the Yoni egg in was the most compassionate & healing thing I had ever done for my Yoni in my life..
It’s actually bonkers to think that I held space for over 100 people to talk about sx, p(easure, Vgina’s & Venus last week. 5 years ago I would have run for the hills at such an intrepid endeavour.
After years of vgina numbness, dissatisfaction, shame & never a SINGLE internal orgasm.
I used the Tao Tantric practices, the Yoni egg & crystal wand to heal the internal trauma & re-sensitise the numbness from my Yoni. Warning: side effects!
I unlocked my cervical, g-zone, full body, multiple O’s & alllll the good stuff! The penny dropped & I finally felt that vibrant, pulsing, full body p(easure that all the Tantric’s were constantly yabbering on about. I started to fall in love with my body & my Yoni, my heart opened, my body softened & my previous defensive edge simply started melting away.
A philosophy taught in Tantra, is that sexual energy & orgasm will always amplify your deepest shadows & fears. Any prolonged pleasure state is essentially a glorious infusion of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin & even DMT (which is released in cervical Os).
We open ourselves up to the mystery & it requires a deep surrender of control.
Yup. Terrifying. Most of us are absolute control FREAKS.
I was facing:
My struggle to fully receive
My issue of letting go of control
My very distracted, unpresent mind
My conditioning of not take up space for my own pleasure in s-x
My inability to stay present with the sensations of my body
My feeling of distrust & lack of safety with men, especially when I was in a state of vulnerability
Piece by piece, I chipped away at my inner control freak (named Gertrude) with the sxual healing practices.
During those years I didn’t actually interact sxually with anyone else. I focused on being my own lover & healing myself. It was one of the best choices I ever made &, the fast lane to who I am now❤️🔥
Then, FINALLY, I allowed in new conscious lovers.
It’s been a slow journey of trust & surrender to the healing of sacred union with men again..
So, THIS is what it feels like to be a woman in her sovereign sxual power...
Once upon a time it felt like a far away concept, a fantasy, a hope, a dream…
So, THIS is what it’s like to reclaim my ancestral womb power, my body sovereignty & speak my most unapologetic truth.
What a blessing. What a paradigm shift…
By lovingly softening my (previously numb) cervix & awakening it’s healing •rgasms, it has opened my voice up to the heavens.
The Cervix is directly linked to the throat through the vagus nerve, & I have noticed exponentially just how much I am able to speak UP, OUT & FOR whatever I need when I need it.
I feel that powerful surge of sxual energy move through, cleanse & open my throat chakra.
I can now sing high notes & melodies I could never even dream of before…
For days afterwards, I feel like a vessel of pure expression & it feels MAGNIFICENT.
I am no longer interested in being compliant or submissive.
After so much deep cervix & womb healing, I feel the shift in my bones. It’s beyond palpable. It’s irrevocable.
No wonder this divine power has been censored, conditioned, tortured & demonised out of womankind ~ this EPIC creatrix power between my thighs.
Now I experience the truth that my maternal ancestors were not allowed or able to.
I vow to be the chainbreaker of my maternal lineage. It ends here, right now, with me.
With you, with us.